Why Men (& The Patriarchy) Need Our Support Too

It's high time we stop making this conversation about the patriarchy strictly a “women’s issue.”

Part I

As much as we have done a piss poor job of raising women and socializing them to be insecure, self-deprecating and codependent; we have done an equal disservice in the way in which we have raised our men.

We've promoted violence and dominance to signify a man’s strength as well as encouraged the exploitation of power to illustrate success.

Systemic oppression runs deep but we have to remember that although men hold a distorted and dysfunctional place of privilege in our society, they too are a product of this mess.

The macro issues in terms of violence, gender inequity, mental health etc. need to not only be addressed at the core but resolved in confluence with one another as these issues have been woven together overtime- each one supporting the fked up viability of the other.

Traumatized men are running a big part of the show...

It's time to shift our focus from repairing a broken system to efforts offering healing, support and integrating trauma for our men.  

More than ever we need healthy men, women, gender non-conforming, LGTBQ living fully alive.  Let's start to re-write the story together.

By and large from a very young age men are STILL taught in the year 20 fking 22 to be ashamed for having feelings, to be the “strong one” or the “rock in the family” and to externalize their trauma  (through anger, aggression, opposition etc) at any and all costs.  

Men have significant yet different trauma stories at extraordinarily high rates, most of which are centered around ridicule and abuse for demonstrating “feminine” qualities in early years of life. 

Fast forward 20 years later and we wonder why men struggle to talk about how they feel and how to cope with the trauma they’ve endured...

Ready to take action?

Here are 8 different things WE (you, us and society) can do to help men heal: 

1. normalize men’s trauma 
2. provide trauma-informed support & treatment in correctional facilities to help stop the cycle of violence
3. teach and encourage the development of emotional intelligence for all children at all grade levels.
4. promote gender specific programming in mental health institutions
5. create safe spaces for men to share their stories 
6. stop requiring men (or any partner/lover etc to be your “rock”)
7. understand inclusivity when it comes to the development of men. Not all are the same and everyone’s story matters
8. practice meeting your own needs first, instead of relying on someone else to do it for you

Consider, are you willing to hold space for healing of the masculine and what does that look like for you?

Part II

Did you know......?

1 out of 5 boys in the United States by the time they are 18, will have a history of being sexually abused.

• If a boy witnesses violence in the home while growing up, statistically he has a 50% higher likelihood of perpetuating violence against his own spouse or children when he’s an adult.
• 13.2% of boys have been diagnosed with ADHD
• Black men are 17 times more likely than white men to be diagnosed with a serious mental health illness
• In the United States alone, eating disorders will affect 10 million males at some point in their lives. 

Let's repeat: 

This is why it's time we stop making the conversation about the patriarchy strictly a “women’s issue.”

Systemic oppression runs deep, we know this AND we encourage you to remember although men hold a distorted and dysfunctional place of privilege in our society, they too are a product of this mess.  

Much like colonization, we’ve all been impacted by systemic oppression and the disturbing role it’s played in the psychosocial development of our lives.

Temporary social band-aids are no longer sustainable or providing the relief we need to better ourselves and our future. 

The macro issues in terms of violence, gender inequity, mental health etc. need to be addressed at the core AND resolved in confluence with one another not treated as separate entities.

These issues have been woven together since the beginning with each one continuing to support the fked up viability of the other. 

Let the untangling begin.

We have traumatized men still running a big part of the show. 

We don’t need to keep trying to fix a broken system, instead let's work on supporting our men to heal and integrate their trauma so they are able to thrive unlike every before -mentally & spiritually- and in doing so support and uplift humanity as a whole.

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